When Things Go Wrong In Our Lives
When things go wrong in our lives, and we feel we could have done something better, we often have negative, self-critical and angry thoughts about ourselves. These may take the form of feeling ashamed, less-than or inadequate etc. Listed below are several statements that are indicative of someone who feels useless or inferior. If you identify with some of these, it may be time to learn some self-compassion. There is hope that you can turn self-attack into self-reassurance.
Take a look and notice how you feel reading each statement.
- I am easily disappointed with myself.
- There is a part of me that feels I am not good enough.
- I feel like a loser a lot of the time.
- I have a sense of disgust at myself.
- I remember and dwell on my failings.
- I am a disappointment.
- I stopped caring about myself.
- I call myself names.
- I can’t accept failures without feeling inadequate.
- I often feel like everyone is better than me.
- I feel I will never measure up to others.
- I do not like who I am
- I think I deserve my criticism
Am I Doomed?
If you’re thinking “wow, I’m doomed," I get it. Be assured that there is no need to continue to worry. Most people who identify with a list like this would feel that way. The good news is, now that you have identified your self-talk, you can start to change it! The process of beginning to build self-awareness of self-critical thinking and shame begins the process of decreasing it. Really, it works.
As Jason Luoma, a leader in compassion studies exclaims “if shame is like a festering wound, then talking about it is like bringing light and air the wound that allows it to heal”.
Can Therapy Help Me?
Working together with a therapist, you can begin to understand the causes and consequences of your shame and self-criticism. Beginning to catch the negative self-talk that is no longer serving you, can transform your life. For example, you’ll learn the difference between “I’m a loser” and “I notice the belief that I feel like a loser when I don’t succeed to the best of my abilities." Therapy can provide you the opportunity to really learn who you are, and to learn what continues to hold you back and perpetuate all that negative self-talk. If you are feeling sick and tired of beating yourself up and are ready to start believing in yourself it may be time to reach out and talk to someone. You are worth it.